Patricia Farrell MIACP Counselling and Supervision

When cancer treatment ends, many partners and family members expect life to gradually return to normal. Yet for many survivors, the emotional and physical impact of cancer continues long after treatment has finished. This can be confusing and sometimes distressing for those who care deeply and want to help but are unsure how to do that.

Recovery Is Not a Straight Line
From the outside, your loved one may appear “better.” Internally, they may still be adjusting to fear, fatigue, hormonal changes, body changes, and emotional vulnerability. Hormone therapies, ongoing monitoring, and fear of recurrence can keep cancer very present in daily life. Your loved one may be:

• More tired or emotionally sensitive than before
• Anxious about their health or the future
• Less confident or withdrawn
• Struggling with identity, intimacy, or self-image

These responses are common and understandable.

When You Don’t Know What to Say
Many partners and family members worry about saying the wrong thing or making things worse. You may feel helpless watching someone you love struggle. Often, the most supportive things are not solutions, but presence:

• Listening without trying to fix the problem
• Allowing difficult emotions without minimising them
• Acknowledging that this has been hard, even if treatment is over

Phrases like “I’m here with you” or “I don’t fully understand, but I want to” can be deeply reassuring.

The Emotional Impact on You
Supporting someone through cancer and recovery can be emotionally exhausting. You may carry fear, worry, grief, anger, or guilt—especially if you feel you need to stay strong. It is common for partners and family members to experience:

• Anxiety about recurrence
• Emotional burnout
• Feelings of helplessness
• Changes in relationship dynamics
• A sense of being overlooked once treatment ends

Your experience matters too.

Changes in Relationships and Intimacy
Cancer and its treatments can affect closeness, communication, and intimacy. Hormone therapy, fatigue, pain, or emotional changes may alter how your loved one relates physically and emotionally. These changes can be difficult for both of you. They are not a reflection of love or commitment, but of adjustment to a life-altering experience. Gentle, open communication, at a pace that feels safe, can help, and support from a trained professional can make these conversations easier.

How Counselling Can Help Families and Partners
Counselling is not only for the person who had cancer. It can also support partners and families by:

• Offering a space to talk openly and honestly
• Helping you understand emotional changes after cancer
• Supporting communication within relationships
• Reducing fear, frustration, and emotional strain
• Helping you care without losing yourself

Sessions may be individual or involve partners, depending on what feels most helpful.

A Compassionate, Informed Perspective
As a counsellor psychotherapist, as a breast cancer survivor, and Patient Representative at St. James’s Hospital, I understand the emotional complexity of cancer recovery, both from personal and professional perspectives. Supporting someone after cancer is not about having the right answers. It is about compassion, patience, and recognising that healing continues long after treatment ends.

You Do Not Have to Do This Alone
If you are supporting a partner, family member, or loved one after cancer, it is okay to seek support for yourself. Doing so is not a failure; it is an act of care for both you and the person you love. If you would like to explore counselling support, either individually or together, I invite you to get in touch. Support is available for the whole family system, not just the patient.