Patricia Farrell MIACP Counselling and Supervision

Bereavement is a deeply personal and challenging experience that can touch almost every aspect of your life. In this blog, we will explore some of the distressing aspects of bereavement, from sudden deaths to long-term illnesses and the impact of hospice care. Additionally, we will discuss practical advice on taking time off work and delve into the effects of bereavement on mental health and day-to-day life.

Coping with Sudden Loss

Sudden deaths often leave individuals grappling with shock, disbelief, and an overwhelming sense of grief. In these moments, it’s so important to allow yourself time to process emotions and seek support from friends or family, and of course, from professionals where you think you need it. Establishing a support system can provide a foundation for healing and help navigate the various stages of bereavement.

Bereavement and Grief, the ‘5 Stages’

Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience, a complex and challenging journey that almost always accompanies any significant loss or bereavement. Understanding the emotional rollercoaster that grief entails can really help you find your way through the healing process. The Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the concept of the five stages of grief, a framework that has become widely accepted in understanding the emotional responses to loss.

1. Denial: The initial stage of grief is often marked by denial, a defense mechanism that shields individuals from the overwhelming reality of loss. In this phase, it is common for people to resist the idea that the loss has occurred. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a significant life change, denial serves as a protective buffer, allowing individuals to absorb the shock gradually.
2. Anger: As the denial begins to wane, a surge of anger may follow. It is a natural response to feelings of powerlessness and injustice associated with loss. Individuals may direct their anger towards themselves, others, or even the situation itself. It’s crucial to recognize that anger is a normal part of the grieving process and a healthy outlet for the intense emotions that accompany loss.
3. Bargaining: In the bargaining stage, individuals attempt to regain control over the situation through negotiation. They may make promises, seek bargains, or reflect on what could have been done differently. Bargaining is a way for individuals to grapple with the sense of helplessness that often accompanies grief. It is a stage where people may wrestle with questions of “what if” and explore avenues that might have led to a different outcome.
4. Depression: As the reality of the loss sets in, a deep sense of sadness and despair may take hold. Depression during grief is not the same as clinical depression but is a natural response to profound loss. This stage is characterized by feelings of emptiness, isolation, and a sense that life may never be the same again. It is essential for individuals to acknowledge and express their emotions during this phase, seeking support from friends, family, or professionals.
5. Acceptance: The final stage of grief is acceptance, where individuals come to terms with the reality of the loss and begin to find a new normal. This doesn’t mean forgetting the person or the experience but rather integrating the loss into one’s life. Acceptance does not imply instant happiness, but it marks a turning point where individuals can move forward with a renewed sense of purpose, carrying the memories and lessons from their grief journey.

Remember though, it’s very important to understand that this template doesn’t apply the same way to everyone – it’s a rough guide! The stages of grief sometimes not linear; they may overap, or you may experience them in different sequences, or revisit certain stages. Grieving is a very personal journey, and understanding these stages can offer a framework for self-reflection and support. Additionally, some may not experience every stage, and the intensity and duration of each stage can vary. Support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can be invaluable during these stages, providing a network for expression, understanding, and healing. It’s okay for individuals to progress through these stages at their own pace and to seek help when needed.

Long-Term Illness and Bereavement

The journey through long-term illness not only challenges the person you care for, but also you and their other loved ones. When a someone you care for succumbs to an extended illness, grief may be multifaceted, involving anticipated grief, and even a sense of relief mixed with sorrow when they ultimately pass. In such cases, acknowledging and addressing these complex emotions becomes a vital part of the bereavement process.

Hospice Care as a Transitional Phase

Hospice care plays a unique role in end-of-life scenarios, offering a supportive environment for both the patient and their family. The transition from caregiving to bereavement can be made better for everyone through the emotional and practical assistance provided by hospice professionals. Understanding the role of hospice care in the broader context of bereavement is essential for those finding their way through this challenging time.

Taking Time Off Work

Grieving individuals often face the dilemma of returning to work while still processing their loss. Try to communicate openly with your employers; perhaps seek compassionate leave, and explore any workplace support options like Employee Assistance Programs. You may even find that professional counselling is available to you. This really can contribute to a smoother transition back to professional responsibilities. Balancing the need for work and the need for self-care is crucial during this delicate period.

Mental Health Impact

Bereavement can significantly impact your mental health, leading to feelings of sadness, isolation, and anxiety. Acknowledging these emotions and seeking professional help, such as counseling or therapy, can be integral in fostering emotional well-being. Understanding that the grieving process is unique for each individual allows for a more compassionate approach to mental health during this challenging time.

Day-to-Day Life During Bereavement

Routine tasks can become overwhelming for those experiencing bereavement. Simple activities may trigger memories, making day-to-day life challenging. Establishing a new normal and allowing oneself the grace to adjust at their own pace is essential. Friends and family can provide invaluable support by helping with practical tasks and offering emotional understanding. Conclusion: Bereavement is a complex journey, marked by unique challenges depending on the circumstances surrounding the loss. Whether sudden or following a prolonged illness, the grieving process is a deeply personal experience that requires time, understanding, and support. By addressing the various aspects of bereavement, from the immediate aftermath to the long-term effects on mental health and daily life, individuals can navigate this difficult path with resilience and compassion.

In conclusion

Please feel free to contact me if you have been affected by bereavement – you do not have to suffer alone and you may find that the therapeutic process will help you to unpack and come to terms with your feelings. There’s no way around bereavement and associated grief, but therapy can benefit you greatly and help you through.